Monday, August 31, 2009

Holy Cow, we are leaving!!

And soon. I think the travel agent misunderstood me. She got us flights leaving TOMORROW night! AHHH. This is nuts. Our poor caseworker, she is running in circles to coordinate our travel with the agency in Korea. Oops! I'm a nervous wreck and trying to tie up loose ends. Not many people get a call and pack up and leave the very next night. Saying bedtime prayers and kissing Dillon goodnight about killed me. Mike is wisely trying to remind me about enjoying this moment and trusting God with Carter and Dillon while we are gone. Abby is so excited. Her suitcase is packed and at the front door :)
We land in Korea early Thursday and leave Wednesday evening. I wasn't planning on us staying so long, but the flights were a LOT cheaper this way. In fact, almost the same price we paid for our tickets when we picked up Abby 8.5yrs ago!! The stinky part is that we land home super late Wednesday. This means no cheering group of family and friends to welcome our sweet boy home. But, honestly, Hudson is nearly 2. I'm thinking a cheering group of 30 people would freak him out a bit. Maybe a quiet arrival is better for him.
Next post will be when we are settled in Korea. Bye!

The Wait is OVER!!!!

Hooray!!!!!!!!! Just when I thought I couldn't take it another day, we got the travel call this morning. The travel agent is making flight arrangements for us to leave this Wednesday(YES, a day and a half!) and return next Wednesday. I called my boss and I'm officially on family leave for 7 weeks :)
My mom sent me an email early this morning saying they were reading and praying this verse over Hudson's situation.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. Isaiah 43:5

AND, you guys are NOT gonna believe this!!!!! I mean seriously, if you didn't believe that God was intimately involved in the details of our lives, you have to now. Click here to read our first post about starting this amazing adoption process.
Well, in a nutshell we were very anxious about taking this leap of faith. Mike felt God speaking him to him that this was His will for us and used the verse Psalm 46:10 to speak to him. WELL------- no coincidene at all----------- in my Bible reading time this morning, the passage that I read was Psalm 46, I didn't pick it, I was just picking up from where I'd left off yesterday. I just am amazed at how much Jesus loves me and cares about every detail of my life. I'm humbled and grateful.

For safety's sake, you never know what loons are reading this, we won't post airports or flights. We will email specifics to our close friends and family.
Thanks for all the encouragements and prayers over these last 6months!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Hope....tomorrow is Monday

.....AND, a new work week. Right now it is 4:30am in Seoul. The office of the Embassy will open in a few hours. While I'm sleeping tonight, they just might be finishing up Hudson, and my friend's daughter's, visas. I may never know why this last leg of our journey to Hudson has taken so long, but I do trust that our Heavenly Father has a plan for good. I'm choosing to trust Him and His timing. Maybe we will get a call tomorrow--but maybe not. If so, we will rejoice and purchase tickets to f ly out Wednesday. If not, we will continue to wait for our sweet little man who fortunately, has no clue that we are waiting and hurting for him. He is happy, healthy, and being fed very well by his selfless Korean foster family. On positive is that plane prices are much cheaper right now. We have enough set aside so that we won't have any debt from our plane tickets!! Big Praise!
I can't complain too much. There are some circumstances developing in Korea that I'm not at liberty to share on here that are going to cause many families with recent referrals to wait until next spring to get their children home. I have no right to whine!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Happy Birthday to Abigail

Today Abby turns 9! Really, where did the time go? I'm supposed to be a mommy of young children, not "big kids." We are thankful for our sweet kong-ju(Korean for princess). The Lord looked around the world and picked her for our family. I find myself praying for peace for her birthmother. Somewhere on the other side of the world is a woman who probably dreads this day every year. The memories and pain she must carry is surely huge! We honor and respect Abby's birthfamily, the culture she isn't growing up in, the beautiful traditions of an amazing country, and the loss being able to identify with her birthland. Happy Birthday our beatiful girl. You make us smile.

Monday, August 24, 2009

And Dillon is off to school

Dillon started school today. He was excited and so cute. He walked in and told everyone he knew "New lu-boh"(he doesn't put ending sounds on words so you can decode what he was telling them). His hair was cute and spiked and he was king walking in--until he saw the new boy crying with his mom. Uh-oh. I was afraid it would spark sympathy mourning in Dillon, but he walked on past and went to his teacher. The same sweet teachers, who loved him so well last year were there to welcome him. We are praying for a banner year, for his mind to come alive and to love learning, for his brain to tell his mouth how to form words clearly, for him to be confident and excited when it comes to school work!!

I felt the lump develop in my throat as we walked away. I never ever dreamt I'd not have Hudson with me when Dillon started school. So, walking away empty handed was sad. But, I'm choosing to live it up this week :) My buddy Wendi and I already did the Pilates DVD and have plans to scour a cool thrift market this week. Today is Monday, so there is new hope that our travel call will truly come anyday!!!

Friday, August 21, 2009

My new neice

Welcome Kylie Faith, born yesterday, weighing 8 pounds 14 ounces. She is chunky and perfect!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

oh no, I'm sinking again..

Six months ago today we read an email from Dillon International about a precious little toddle boy who had been waiting for a family for many months. I knew he was ours, really I did! If you've never adopted before, you probably can't relate. But, those words were written by God directly for Mike and I. It was Mike who said "why don't we ask about him?' So, we did and the rest is history! Hudson Lee, I'm soooooooooooo tired of waiting for you and yet, I'll wait as long as it takes to get you home in our arms! For 6months I've thought about you constantly and tried to plan our family with you in it. I know, as I've said before, 6months in the adoption world isn't very long. But my heart sure isn't telling me that. Every morning I have adoption morning sickness. You laugh!! It is so true. From 7-9:30 I'm jittery, nauseated and sometimes dizzy. I check my phone constantly, in case I missed a call from our caseworker. Then, after 9:30, I realize our travel call isn't coming for that day. What a let down. We made it one full week from our last conversation with our caseworker and she told us 2-4 weeks left. So, good progress has been made, but folks, this is excrutiating!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT the phone is ringing..............
It was a telemarketer---------HOW DARE THEY!?????

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

School starts and another wise word from Abby

First day of 8th and 3rd grades! I really cannot believe I have an 8th grader. I'm way to young for that!! Dillon and I have cleaned out the garage already and are going to have lunch at Chic-Fil-A to celebrate our last 2 days together before he starts school.
Also, Abby is always saying things that are quite wise and profound, yet simple. We were talking about Hudson's process this morning as I mailed education requirements back to our caseworker. I asked her if she had any idea how much there was to do for an adoption. She said "I thought you just flew to a country and picked a baby." HA. Then, she said "I think that if you've adopted once, they should just keep your file and you pay a 10 dollar a year membership, then you can adopt again easy." If only it were that simple!!! :))

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Tomorrow is a new week...

...and I'm going to choose a new attitude! Man, I blew it last week. I was a total emotional wreck and I was consumed! Sorry. I'm making a decision tonight to walk in peace and joy and to trust in the Lord's timing. Hudson, my darling, I want to swim across the ocean and pick you up now!!! But, you are healthy and happy with your Korean foster parents. They have selflessly loved and cared for you since you were 2 months old. They deserve every minute they can have enjoying you.
Today I choose to not let my circumstances define me!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Today's a new day....

And I'm going to chose to be glad. Man, yesterday was rough!! Our family has had a rough week. Tuesday we found out that Dillon has yet another medical diagnosis that requires another specialist visit. This condition could require nothing but monitoring, or extensive treatment. Dillon just can't catch a break. Then everyday thinking we were going to get travel clearance and finding out yesterday that we weren't near as close as we had assumed. And, to top it all off, Carter is dealing with some typical junior high things that are hard to watch him walk through(nothing big, but when you are 13-everything is a big deal). But, God's mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient. I don't ever want this blog to be a "woe is us" type of place. Yes sometimes I feel sorry for myself and I want to continue feeling sorry for myself! But the fact is, we have nothing to complain about. We have each other, we have steady jobs, friends, family, air conditioner, too much food, clean running water, health insurance, education and on and on. So, I'm dragging myself out of the pity party(felt good for a few hours last night!) and moving on. Hmmm, what are the positives of this wait being longer??? Well, our plane tickets will be cheaper since August is peak season for Korea and we will be avoiding that. I won't miss Dillon's first day of school or Carter's first football game. I feel like a fool. I didn't fill in my work schedule after Aug.25th cause I KNEW I'd be home with my new son by then. I don't have a sitter for Dillon lined up after this week. I turned in my family leave papers a looooooong time ago and told them I'd be traveling late July! I have to clarify something, in Dillon International's defense, they haven't done anything to cause a long wait. Really, the only people I can place blame on is the Dallas Citizenship and Immigration Services office. They took a long time to process our papers and we probably lost a month from that! Our caseworker has always given us a range of timelines(the standard answer seems to be "2-4 weeks" for every step!). We never realized how hard it would be to adopt a waiting child and do every single step of requirements and red tape backwards(in a typical process, you've already done many of these steps before ever getting a referral for a certain child). So, it is what it is!
I keep singing the chorus of a great great song!
from God Of My Days by Gateway Worship cd Wake Up The World
God of my days, king of my nights, Lord of my laughter, Sovereign in sorrow,
You're the Prince of my praise, the love of my life, you never leave me you are faithful, God of my days

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Looks like more waiting

I just talked to our social worker at Dillon. Our file for the visa application only made it to Korea yesterday(took 2 weeks to get there). Now Korea will begin Hudson's visa application. She said this usually takes 2 weeks but very well could be 4. I've had my cry. Fact is, this child will be almost 2 when he comes home. Gotta sign off now, another wave of sobs coming!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Can't take it anymore

I'm done, finished, stick a fork in me!! I'm shut down emotionally and don't even think of asking "have you heard anything about your adoption?" I know in my head the right answers, you know, the mature Sunday School answers about God's timing is perfect and such. I've known all this my whole life, I'm walked with my Heavenly Father since I was 10yrs old. But, sometimes, I think it is perfectly fair and honest to say "God, I don't understand you, this hurts, there is nothing I can do to control or change it, and Hey, I'm mad right now!". It doesn't hurt His feelings, it doesn't mean I'm less a committed Christian. He knows me well. I've said this to him several times like during fertility struggles, waiting for Abby, my surprise pregnancy a few years ago that ended in a tubal pregnancy, and now. My anger and hurt doesn't make Him less God of the universe! So, I'm telling you right now, I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm deeply disappointed. I've been thinking about, loving, and praying over this little boy in Korea since Feb 29th and I'm so darn ready for us get to know him. My husband is in inservice already(he is a school principal), my big kids start school next Wednesday, Dillon starts Monday the 23rd and Carter's first football game is the 27th. If you could ask us the absolute worst time to travel to Korea to pick up a new child?? We would have said anytime is fine but the first week of school!!!! HA, funny isn't it :)))) So, I'm placing a bet: We will leave Texas Sunday Aug 23rd and I'll miss Dillon's first day of school and Carter's first football game!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My 6yr old

Is an angel. Yep, he has me wrapped so tightly around his little finger. Hey, I'm honest. I admit it. He is rotten and the apple of my eye. Of course I love my other kids and they are great kids! But if you have a child with special needs, you know what I mean. There is this fierce momma bear instinct watch over and protect him. He is just the kind of kid that mean bullies could take advantage of. He is very small for his age. He is timid and unsure of how to act around peers that he doesn't know well. And, he has a severe speech/language disorder. It is a very cruel disorder. He knows what he wants to say. He looks at you with big black almond shaped eyes trying to speak and use gestures, some sign language, to portay his story. I know what he is saying, most of the time, but others don't always get it. Last night we were hanging out in the street with several neighbors and children playing. One boy was particularly rough and unruly. Later that night I was bathing Dillon and he looked at me seriously and said "Momma, I tawk you. Man hut me." I asked him "A man hurt you?" He said "uhuh" and then slapped himself on the cheeck. I asked him "did he hit you?" Dillon said yes. I asked him "a man hurt you or a little boy". Dillon stretched his hand up and said "big boy!" Then, the pout came and he leaned in for a kiss. My heart was so burdened for him. He has had to climb uphill his whole life. Everything your typical child does with ease is a struggle for Dillon: breathing, drinking, talking, singing, running, learning letters. You'll not find a sweeter child though. He pays close attention to others feelings. When we walk hand in hand he will lean over and kiss our hands. He has taught many many people about being kind and loving those who have special needs. My dad is one of them. My dad is now champion of those with special needs! I leave you with a plea- teach your kids about being kind and patient with people who have different abilities.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Thanks for sharing your journey

We have had the wonderful privelage of meeting an amazing family about 4 years ago and watching the journey they have walked throught. E. and R. are parents of 3 little ones and were serving at a seminary in Romania when their daughter was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. With no advanced medical care available, they sent out requests to the US. God stirred some people in our towns hearts and brought the whole family here. Over the last 4.5 years, this family has lived here and gotten treatment for their child. Many times in church, we would have special prayer times and offerings for them. Several times the child was very near death and doctors gave no hope. I'm so excited to say that today, they made special appearance at our church to say goodbye. They leave next week for Romania, with all their children! Their daughter is currently cancer free!! Neuroblastoma is one of the most aggressive childhood cancers with a grim prognosis. This special little girl has had kidney damage, re-learned to walk several times, and spent more time in ICU than any human being should be able to endure. So, to the S. family, we say THANK YOU for sharing your miracles, your family's joys and struggles, and most of all for your testimony to God's faithfulness. You have served well. May God bless your work in Romania with peace, fruit, friends, health, and most of all may HE receive glory through your family!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Battling some anxiety

We are so close to getting our travel call. Seriously, it could be today, or at least in the next 2 weeks! I'm starting to really struggle with some anxiety over our trip. I'm scared of how much our plane tickets are going to be. Have you ever bought tickets to Korea during peak season with only 3 days notice??? Not cheap! I'm scared of the plane ride home with a 20months old little boy who has never seen us before. If you are a passenger on our flight home, I'm sorry. I'm scared of figuring out who is going to take care of Dillon and Carter while we are gone and how they are going to juggle football practices, school and schedules. I'm really scared of them getting sick or hurt and I can't get to them. Just a few months ago, Dillon was very sick. He had a febrile seizure for the first time ever at over 6yrs of age. Because it is abnormal to be so old for your first febrile seizure, he spent 2 days in the hospital and got a spinal tap and EEG, IV antibiotics and breathing treatments. What if it happens again and I'm on the other side of the world?? I was holding him during the seizure. It was terrifying and I thought he was dying(and I've been a critical care nurse for a long time). Then 2months later, Carter fell while ice skating and got a serious concussion. He also spent 2 days in the hospital and the CT scan showed several tiny areas of bleeding in his brain. He is fine now, but what if it happens again and I'm not able to get to him? It would take at least 2 days for us to get home for an emergency! The enemy is really using my need to be in charge and on top of things to rob my joy right now! I've not slept well the past 3 nights because of worrying. I know my Father God is in control and I can't change anything. I'm praying Phillipians 4:6-7 right now.
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

How do people deal with life without knowing Jesus as their personal savior, friend, helper? If I believed the humanistic mumbo-jumbo about everything in life being left to chance, that my God wasn't involved in every aspect of my life and didn't hear my prayers, I'd fall apart.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A quote that stings!

An amazing blogger that I follow everyday wrote this quote on her blog. It stings quite a bit!

Doug Phillips: The Bible calls children blessings and debt a curse. Yet in our society we apply for curses and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

An update--yippeee!

Our lovely caseworker asked Korea for an update on Seong Cheol(Hudson). Of course, he is perfect! He isn't near as chunky as I was guessing him to be based on the video from March. He weighs about 27 pounds and is 32 inches tall. He says lots of Korean words including grandfather and grandmother. He loves to go outside and runs well! He sounds like a delightful 20months old boy. Sure wish I knew what his chubby cheeks felt like to smother with smooches, what makes him giggle, what makes him scared, how it feels to carry him on my hip, if his eyes disappear when he grins like Abby's do, if he takes a pacifier, what songs is he learning, how he looks when daddy throws him in the air????? As a follower of Jesus, I totally believe that God has every detail in His control. There is a perfectly good reason for our delays, but oohhh, is it hard to deal with everyday!!
Proverbs 3:3-5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

Monday, August 3, 2009

From my prayer warrior's mouth

Abby has always been a super prayer warrior. When she was 2.5, she'd stand on the fireplace, wearing a pink ballerina outfit, hold a Bible and say over and over again "Jesus God, Jesus God."! Her prayers are like 30yr old women's. Tonight, like everynight since March 10th, we prayed for baby Hudson. From her heart came... "and please God, let Hudson's papers be done soon so we can go to Korea cause I'm tired of praying for this every night."!!! HA! If that doesn't get our Heavenly Father to cracking up, I don't know what would ;) Hopefully it will work , cause, honestly, I'm getting tired of praying the same thing!!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Growing in numbers and fun!

Our family Christmas this year will be super duper FUN! One of my sisters is due in 3 weeks with baby Kylie. Another sister has baby J, the beautiful and crazy little foster baby. Well, we found out that the birthmother is supposedly due in a few weeks! My sis and her hubby will most likely get the baby from the hospital. And, we should travel in 3 weeks for Hudson! So, literally within the same weeks time, 3 kids will join our family. We still have a sister who is young and newly married who hasn't started building her family yet. What a zoo it will be when she has several kiddos. What blessings! What precious, loud, fun, crazy memories :))