adoption-related or quirky kid stuff?

A great challenge for clued-in adoptive parents is deciphering some behaviors as regular childhood quirks or deep-rooted behaviors that stem from the child's birth and early infancy story. Often times, kids are just kind of weird...be it birth or adopted children and it has nothing to do with sensory processing or attachment ( we sure don't want to be those crazy parents that psycho analyze everything and play the blame game for their children). One example of this that I'm trying to figure out is why Dillon pretty much can't sleep in a bed.  For several years he has preferred a pallet on the floor.  When we make him sleep in his bed, he gets up frequently, calls out, and has bedtime drama.  I finally clued-in on this just yesterday.  You see all 3 of our Korean born children spent the first 2 months of their lives in a hospital. And while we know they received great medical care, it was still a hospital which means little physical touch, little singing to and cuddling, crying a lot without a momma or daddy to respond quickly to their needs.  Couple that experience with the trauma of suddenly moving from a foster family to our family, a new language, new culture, and the likely not so nurturing environment that was in the uterus...you easily understand some lingering behaviors. Dr. Karyn Purvis teaches on the affects of the in utero environment.  Stress hormones, poor nutrition, and exposure to medications/drugs/alcohol have life-long lasting effects. Hudson, came to live in our family at age 22 months.  He is 6 and still cannot be alone.  He refuses to go in a restroom without me, always asks "will you go with me" for a task as easy as getting a drink from a water fountain at the tiny library near our home.  He is also very fearful.  Sometimes I get so frustrated by this dependence and think he is way to old to act so babyish.  I need reminders that attachment and trust are built after years of "child expresses need--parent meets need--child begins to feel trust and security." Abby is a super stubborn, independent fighter. I have to think that a lot of it is from being born 2 months early, weighing 3 pounds, and having to be a fighter in her earliest of days.  I'm reading The Connected Child for the 3rd time.  I need constant reminders about how to build attachment and healthy neurological connections.  I can't change what happened before they joined us, but I can foster love and security.  Dr. Purvis says "children who come from hard places don't overcome their history in six weeks; it can take years before new, improved life skills and attachment take permanent root for these children."