Attachment Cycle

Well things continue to get better everyday. I wanted to take some time to talk about the attachment cycle.  I get lots of questions about how Hudson's adjusting.  He appears to be adjusting very well.  However, it is super important that Mike and I don't assume all is well and he is bonded.  You see, Hudson has suffered extreme loss in his 22 months.  At birth, he lost his birthfamily.  He spent his first 2 months in a hospital.  As attentive as the staff was, there was no mom and dad visiting to hold him every chance they could get.  No grandparents prayed for him to grow healthy.  He was born 2 months premature.  No family stood at his isolette stroking his tiny skin and whispering cheers for him to beat any preemie problems.  He didn't get to experience skin on skin contact--the treatment of choice for preemies.  Then, at 2months of age, he went to live with a wonderful foster family.  No doubt they made it their mission to beef him up and keep him healthy.  He thought they were his family for the next 19months.  One day, we swoop in acting all excited to meet him and take him away from the only home, language, culture, country that he had ever known.  It has been 3 weeks now.  He seems to know I'm his new mommy.  But, there are signs that we have a long way to go in forming a healthy attachment.  Hudson runs up to women he doesn't know like they are his best friend. You see that is not appropriate attachment behavior.  He wakes up during sleep and panics--running into the living room wild eyed.  This tells me he is unsure of his security, that in his little mind, he could be uprooted--yet again to a new home!  Psychologists and adoption experts say it is super important to walk the child back through infant stages of attachment.  Therefore, at night I bottle feed my 22months old by like a 4month old.  I hold him in a cradling fashion, insist on holding the bottle--even though he pushes my hand off, and try to force eye contact.  I sing, tell him how he joined our family and such.  I also have been "wearing" him in my Hip Hammock(a sturdy sling I highly recommend for anyone adopting a heavy/older infant or toddler) when we are in a crowd or loud place.  Yes, I realize I look like a ridiculous crunchy granola earth momma!  Before you go saying "He is lucky to have a wonderful family" spill, let me be honest--sometimes I don't want to do this.  By 8pm I'm flat exhausted and I'd like to spend some time with the other kids or Mike, heck, I'd LOVE to sit in the quiet and watch HGTV with nobody around!.  Sometimes his crying when he wakes up(why can't he wake up cooing happily?) feels like nails on a chalkboard.  Establishing a pattern of trust and attachment is not easy!!  But, we must do this, hard work now will reap sweet rewards later.  Mary Hopkins Best wrote in Toddler Adoption
    Always assume that a request for parental contact and comforting represents a need for a toddle struggling to develop attachment and meet that need on demand, day or night.