parenting to attach

Once again, I'm probably divulging too much, but I'm convinced there are new adoptive mommas out there going through challenges and do get the straigh answer from people they talk too.  So, if you are one of those mommas--this post is for you!
I'm changing my techniques.  Hudson needs a new approach.  He is doing great, really happy, smart, jolly, affectionate--most of the time.  However, he does have a propensity to come unglued at something small and go into a loud crying fit that lasts about 10 minutes.  Remember how he used to vomit in public when he was overstimulated?  Now he cries, no actually shrieks with tears, when mad.  I admit it, it irks me.  Anyway, lately, Hudson has had more of these tirades, interestingly enough they are only with me! Last week it hit me that I had stopped parenting to attach.  He's been home a 1yr and 9 months(was 22months when he came home).  It seems he's always been with us and I had quit trying to look at his behavior through empathetic eyes.  So, I reviewed my favorite adoptive parenting book, The Connected Child, by Dr. Karyn Purvis. Now, when the downward spiral starts, I scoop him up--kicking and screaming all the way, and go to my bedroom rocking chair.  I hold him tightly against me and sing Praise and Worship music.  It sounds sweet and all doesn't it?  The first few minutes he hates it.  He squirms to try to get out and cries all the louder, trying to drown out my voice.  But, after about 5-10 minutes, he is calm and fine.  The reality is that this takes a LOT more of my time.  It would be so much easier if I ignored the bad behavior or sent him to his room.  But, the last thing she recommends for at-risk children is isolation.  She writes offer warm interaction so that your child gets the message that "I do not need to be afraid of this adult.  I am a person of value to this person."  Be responsive so that your child gets the message that "this adult understands what I feel.  I am safe here."  And later, talking about time-in instead of time-out, she says "These isolating strategies may be useful for biological lchildren who are alredy connected and emotionally bonded to their families.  But isolating and banishing strategies are extremely problematic for at-risk children, because these kids are already disconnected from rlationaships, attachment-challenged, and mildly dissociative because of their early histories of neglect and abuse.  Isolation is not therapeutic for them."  The end result is worth it.  I enjoy the feeling of a squishy toddler molded to my lap, rocking and singing.  Precious memories for me and, hopefully, better ability to regulate his emotions and feel bonded and safe.

I hope this encourages some of you out there.
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