Leaving Korea and adjusting(Long!)

Sorry this took so long. Let's just say the last 3 days have kicked my patootie!!

So, our last day in Korea. We went to tour the DMZ that morning. We booked through I Love Seoul tours(the flyer is in the foyer of EAstern for you Dillon families coming). They picked us up at 8:20 and we drove about 50minutes out of Seoul. It was great to get out of the huge concrete city and see the beautiful country. We went to the train station built several years ago that was supposed to connect S. and N. Korea, but hasn't. Then we went to the Third Tunnel that was built by the N. Koreans. We walked down a steep slope about 250 meters, it was tough! The end of the tunnel was just amazing. It was so small, Mike had to walk stooped over and we all wore yellow hard hats. No pictures were allowed inside--darn. Then we drove to the Dorasan observatory. Unbelieable! From a high deck, we could look through binaculours to North Korea. We saw the propaganda village--where noboy really lives. You couldn't take a picture past a certain yellow line. Mike's height finally had an advantage. He held our camera way up and got a photo. The flag pole in the picture above is the N. Korean flag. Seriously, it was crazy knowing that we were so close to the most closed and fanatic Communist country in the world. After that we went to pack. We met with Hudson and his foster mom(and her daughter) at 4pm. We thought we were to have a short play outing, but they decided we needed to leave for the airport at 4:40. So, we sat in the playroom for a while and talked through our translator. The foster mom showed me all his favorite snacks for the plane ride and how to make his bottles(yes, he takes lots of bottles, which I'll address later). At 4:40 we all went downstairs and Dr. Kim, the president of Eastern Social Welfare Society came to pray. Hudson had no idea what all the fuss was about and played. His foster mom, however, sobbed quietly(me too!!). Then it was a blur of activity, they whisked us to the van, placed him in my lap and we drove off. I turned to look at the foster mom and she fell to her knees crying--No Lie! I was crushed for her. Hudson handled things really well as long as Abby was near him. At the airport, our first wave of grief hit. He had a complete panic attack. He walked in circles scanning the crowds and screaming. We could do nothing to comfort him. But, the Lord answered everyone's prayers!! A miracle on the plane happened. He was so busy playing with all the buttons on the remotes in the seats, he wasn't sad. Then he listened to the headphones with music and swayed his body. It was really cute. About 2 hours into the 11 hour flight, he fell asleep. On Asiana Airlines they have a bassinet that snaps into the wall in the bulkhead, in front of the seats. He was way too big, but he fell asleep. That child slept until 1 hour before we landed!!!! He was so big that he kept flopping his legs over the sides and couldn't roll over, but he stayed asleep. I kept praying "Thank you Jesus, now please don't let him wake up." At LA, he was a wild man in the airport--running around pulling Abby by the hand. On the next plane, same story, as above. I couldn't believe it. When we landed, we were met with a shock. A small group of family and friends were waiting. We had no idea they were coming since we landed at 11:35 and hadn't invited anyone. I started crying and Mike did too when we saw them. Oh, how I missed Carter and Dillon! Hudson was calm and walked over to Dillon and hugged him. That night he thought it was day time! I told God that since he'd answered our prayers for the flights, I couldn't complain about never going to bed Wednesday night. I'll be honest here folks, this has been really hard. Hudson is doing better than I expected, but still hard. He is terrified of Mike and so I'm the one man show right now. This saddens Mike because he is very much a loving, hands on daddy. He told Hudson "but all babies love me!" If he can't see me, he screams. I'm fighting a sinus infection and have some sort of Korean revenge stomach issue and can't eat more than a few bites at a sitting. Our social worker warned us long ago that adopting a toddler was really tough because you don't get that snuggly baby time. Babies stay put for a while. Not this kid. He is a very very curiuos and smart little boy. He pulls the blinds, opens all the cabinets, unrolls the toilet paper, puts everything he finds on the floor in his mouth and so on. I feel so guilty because it seems like all I'm ever saying is "No, don't touch that!" He just wants to explore his environment. As for his attachement, it will take time. I can't pull out his shoes because he gets all excited and starts looking around for his foster mom. He grieved for a long time last night--laying on the pallet with me moaning and crying. I couldn't comfort him--he'd push my hand away if I touched him. Finally he fell asleep. We are just praying for peace and for his fears to melt. We know it will take time and get better and better each day. He is so cute with cheeks that jiggle when he takes a steps and he jabbers a lot(not sure if it is Korean words or what). This morning we had a quick check with our pediatrician to make sure nothing major was going on. He weighed 28 pounds(my arm muscles would swear at least 35!) and was 32 inches tall. We have to get him off the bottle ASAP as he has severe baby bottle rot of his top 4 teeth that need capping. I have to find the balance between him needing comfort and time to attach and transitioning him off bottles of formula. It seems he likes bottles of water so I think I'll do that more often. Our family and friends have all been so sweet to give us some space. My house is a total disaster. I'm the type who normally would have had everything unpacked, the laundry washed,and the mail sorted. But, I'm trying to practice what I preach to new adoptive moms--sleep when the baby sleeps!!! As for the big kids, they are wonderful. If Abby is around Hudson is at her feet. She is being very patient with him. Carter keeps practicing his few Korean words with him! Dillon loves to be the big boy and is "helping" me tell Hudson what he can and can't touch ;)

Thanks for the sweet well wishes and I hope to post a family pic in the next few days!

Home--thank heaven!

Sorry to take so long posting. I'm feeling like a 90yr old woman this morning. Exhausted! I'll post more about the DMZ(amazing!) and our trip home later. Thank you all for prayers, they sure worked a miracle! Hudson slept during both flights. We are adjusting slowly.

Wednesday morning(last day)

I've been up a while! How am I supposed to sleep when in 13 hours I'll be boarding a plane with my new son. I mean, one minute you're a family of 5--busy, happy, and doing things that families of 5 do. The next minute you are a family of 6. Funny, that status instantly catapults us into the "large family" classification. I read a book about it. Apparently 3 kids is the border of norm, and 4 kids is flat out big! One Korean university student was ever so blunt as to ask us "Why do you want a big family?" Cute in a rude sort of way ;) Anyway, I've semi packed and rechecked the paperwork several time, had my quite time in the Word, listened to the symphony of probably 30 newborns crying for their morning bottle in the Babies Home next door, made breakfast, checked Facebook 3 times, and basically paced the floor. We have loved our trip but are really really ready for home! We leave for the DMZ in a few minutes. We will post an update from the WiFi spot at the airport this evening.

I wonder what Hudson and his foster family are doing today? How do you say goodbye after keeping a child for almost 2 years? How do you impart to that child how much you love him? UGH, I'm glad I'm the one saying Hello for the rest of our lives, not goodby!

Tuesday

This morning we laid around for a while. We strolled some of the back streets to kill time and get out. At 11:00 we met with Mrs. Kim, Abby's foster mother. She looked just like she did back when we picked up Abby in 2001, only a little older. She was grinning ear to ear and was happy to see JooMee(Abby's Korean name). She said that JooMee looked happy and healthy and that her eyebrows were beautiful. Our social worker explained that the older generations of Koreans put a lot of stock in the way a person's eyebrows were shaped!! She admonished her to study hard and grow into a good adult and to come back to Korea again someday. We learned that her husband died several years ago. We were sad to hear this. When we visited her home and took Abby with us to the airport, he came running up the stairs, huffing and puffing, just to make sure he was there to say goodbye to her. Abby was her 42nd foster baby. She retired from fostering around the number 45!!! Talk about a life well lived!! Thank you Mrs.Kim for your sweet and selfless acts. We can certainly testify to the good job you did for babies.

After that we ate lunch in the guesthouse. We then decided to take the subway to Children's Grand Play Park. It is a huge free park with small zoo, fountains, and supposedly amusement park, which we never saw. The zoo exhibits were run down and fairly sad, but it was a nice change to be around lots of trees and flowers, not crowded and noisy sidewalks. There was even a polar bear in the zoo! Abby played in the shallow fountains and Mike and I were happy to have cold water to stick our feet in and watch the adorable little kids. For my Dillon friends, it is about a 45minute easy subway ride. I recommend coming if you are bringing young children with you.
More travel tips: stoplights and street rules are more a suggestion than law! When the pedestrian light turns green, do NOT step into the street. Wait a few seconds before crossing :)

Tomorrow morning we go to the DMZ tour(we are doing the small, tame one, not the one where we stare into the binoculars of the North Koreans at Pamunjeon). At 4 we have a playtime with Hudson and then off we go to the airport!

In some ways, it seems we've been here forever and yet in some ways, we can't believe it is over! This is my 3rd trip to Korea in 8.5years. I feel pretty much an expert now :) We thank you Dillon International and Eastern Social Welfare Society for being gracious and professional, as always. What a blessing to work with you guys to build our family. The Lord has used you all to bless many many people!

Monday afternoon update

We got word this morning that Abby's foster mother couldn't come today. We will meet with her tomorrow. That bumped our DMZ tour that we had scheduled for tomorrow. No worries, flexible is our middle name :) So, we basically had nothing to do until our meeting with Hudson at 2pm. We went to Namdaemun again for gifts. It was misting so we bought umbrellas--you know how frugal(Okay super cheap) I am, I'm calling my umbrella a souvenir!!! We ate lunch in the Kyobo bookstore food court again. I had my same Bulgogi with rice, Abby branched out and ate another hamburger! Mike went crazy and got a big bowl of soup with noodles and mushy pink rimmed tofu with no taste. He said the soup and fried dumplings were really good. We were lazy and took a taxi back to Eastern. I'm all about the subway, but sometimes your feet are begging for a taxi ride.

I'd like to say that my little man is quite the fashionable dude! I kid you not. He was wearing Thomas the Tank socks with little bright yellow plastic shoes. I'm not talking Crocs here folks. I'm talking fake wooden shoes from Holland!!!!!! I couldn't concentrate on how adorable his fat cheeks are cause of the shoes!! Mel and Kate, I immediately thought of how you 2 would get a huge kick out of it. And, to top it all off--she is sending us a brand new pair of these with him!!

Hudson---- Well, how do I describe this meeting. It started out terrible but ended up great! He walked into the hall where we were sitting and stopped dead in his tracks, looked at us and closed his eyes!! This kid is hysterical and very smart. He knew something was up. We walked to the park with him, his foster mother and social worker, about 2 blocks away. This created quite the parade. Several ladies walking down the street wanted to know what the fuss was about and they followed us. I kept trying to hold his hand and he yanked it away. Mike couldn't even look his direction. At the park, we desparately tried to find the balance of engaging Hudson and yet giving him space--this was done, to our dismay, under the watchful eyes of 3 grandmothers at the park with their little grandchildren. They all wanted in on the story and I could her Hudson's foster mom saying "omma, appa, nuna" the Korean words for mom, dad, and big sister. It was very unnerving. Hudson eventually started warming up to me and to Abby. His foster mom and the social worker went to hide behind some bushes while we tried to play. He decided Abby was pretty cool(she looks much more normal than Mike and I do!). He took her hand and led her around. It was adorable. After a while, we walked back to Eastern. Hudson let me hold him. He was so tired, it was naptime. He even put his head down on my shoulder for a few minutes. Have I said how BIG this child is. I was a sweaty pig at the this point from carrying him up the slide several times, not to mention the spit up chocolate on the front of my pink shirt that plopped out of his mouth when crying. Then we went into the little play room. He started to take a bottle but wanted to play with Abby instead. The 2 of them played while we looked at the gifts the foster mother brought us. There was a gorgeous hanbok(the colorful silk traditional Korean outfit and hat), 3 photo albums documenting his life from 2 months of age. I started crying and so was the foster mom. Then the social worker translated what was hand written in the photo album "We love you, we hope you grow up to be a strong man." Let the tears flow from Daddy! This baby is a part of the family. The foster mother's 19yr old daughter is in college in Japan. She is flying in tomorrow to say goodbye to Hudson. Tracy W, it gets even worse than this! Her 22 yr old son is in the army. There was a picture of him with Hudson and he's wearing his camos. I had a silver locket engraved with Hudson's name and birthday and put a tiny picture of his face in it. She showed me that she was wearing it and just cried and cried. Okay, enough of the tears--whew--this is hard stuff people!! He is so beautiful and funny and we are amazed at the miracle God was worked this year to bring us together.

Tonight my friend and fellow waiting mom lands here. She will meet her 22months old baby girl tomorrow! I can't wait to meet her. She and I have been waiting together for several months and held each other up when it was so excrutiating.

Wednesday, we tour the DMZ. Mike is super pumped about that.

Sunday

It is 6:22 Monday here. Our computer connection wouldn't stay put last night, so I'll write about yesterday now. Yesterday started very early. I as up at 3:30am and Abby at 5:30. We layed around until time to hit the subway to find church. Mike stumbled across the website for Seoul International Basptist Church, it had English services, so off we went. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was very much like our church at home: casual, friendly, multicultural. We sang a song that had the verse from Psalm 103 about how the Lord has removed our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Boy, that phrase hit me like a ton of bricks. We had traveled as far as the east is from the west and man, that is FAR! Thank you Jesus! One thing that struck me as amazing was the prayer the deacon offered. He said "We are so thankful for the freedom we have in this country to worship without persecution." He was US military and that just really caught me off gaurd that in a country other than America, people are thankful for their religious freedomes. Hmmmm, I'm so arrogant in thinking the US is the only free country! After church, we stopped to eat insided a hole in the wall Mexican food place. We had fajitas and some style of tacos and Dr. Pepper. It wasn't Texas style Mexican food, but it was good. We then came to our room to rest. My sinuses are killing me(people smoke in public here, if you have allergies and asthma, bring meds!). Last night we went to the Chongdong Theater right by the Seoul Museum of Art. We watched an opera/dance about traditional Korea in ancient times. It was beautiful! Before the show, they have a costume area set up in the foyer for people to try on traditional Korean costuems. Of course, we had to do this :) We provided the pre-show entertainment for everyone waiting for the show to start. All 3 of us put on traditional wedding costumes and took pictures, thus the ridiculous picture you are looking at! As we were walking down the street after the show, there was a huge Christian youth concert on an outdoor stage. It was so sweet watching that crowd of teens jumping up and down singing!

In a few hours Abby meets her foster mother. She is very excited about this. She made her a scrapbook and that has Korean descriptions under the pictures--thanks to our dear friend Paul. Other than that, she is Korea'd out! She is tired and ready to go home. She says Korea is too croweded and loud ;)

At 2pm(11pm Texas time) we have our 2nd meeting with Hudson. Please keep praying for him to not be terrified of us.

Day 3(Ufo's, soapbox,birthmoms)

Getting homesick!! Really, I just want to see my big boys buy now. If any of you guys taking care of them read this, please post to me on Facebook or email me and let me know what they are doing.

UFO's--this is what Mike lovingly calls the many Unidentified Fried Objects that the street vendors sell :) Some are delicious, some look like whole fish!

About today, we had fun. We got up really early(3:00 am for Mike) thanks to jet lag. We had the wonderful free eggs and toast the guesthouse provides and then at 7 walked to Dunkin Donuts for coffee. For my Dillon International friends coming to Eastern soon, it is 2 blocks to the right. We then saw the Korean War Memorial. The outside is amazing and really intersting and Free! The inside is huge and really cheap(8000 won for the 3 of us). HOnestly, I'd skip the inside and just linger on the outside exhibits. We then went to Itaewon. We all decided that we like Namdaemun Market better because it is more traditional Korean. Itaewon is more commercial and global. We ate American fast food. After our Korean food twice yesterday, we wanted "regular" food. We are sooooo tired this afternoon and plan to go to the grocery store for milk ,cereal, fruit, and something light to cook for supper here in the guesthouse kitchen.

Abby is still amazing us. Nana and Mom, wish you could see her navigate the subway system and the market like an old pro! Oh, the subway--I remember something that was so funny. It was kind of crowded and we were standing, like usual. Abby sat in an available set. Another seat came open, in between 2 elderlymen. One of the motioned for Mike and really wanted him to sit there. So, Mike squeezed his 6 foot 2 frame in between these old men who looked about 5'5 on a small subway seat. I was dying laughing but holding it in to not offend the men. Apparently it cracked them up too cause they were chuckling. Mike looked like the jolly green giant next to them!!

Tomorrow we plan to visit a church and hit Namdaemun Market again for souvenirs.

I've run into groups of birthmothers twice today. On the floor above our room is Sharon's Home for unwed moms. The women get care until the baby is delivered. When I ran into the group this afternoon, there were 4 girls--looked about 17. They were happily chatting and waddling like they would deliver soon. I came around the corner and they froze. Bless their hearts, they looked so shocked to see me. I smiled and said hello. One girl smiled back and tried to say hello. What I wanted to do was hug their necks and tell them thank you for choosing LIFE for their babies. That if their children are anything like ours, then some family would be super duper blessed by their gift! They quickly shuffled past me and were gone.

Just want to say this: the world is sooooooo much bigger than our little white suburban middle class life! Don't be afraid to get out and experience it. Go on a mission trip, take your kids to an inner city food pantry, mingle with other races, sponsor children in Africa, adopt a hard to place orphaned child with special needs! For goodness sakes, when you are on your death bed what will you be looking back at? I don't want to be thinking "God blessed me with so many opportunities, but I was too afraid to experience them!"

closing of day 2

Whew, we are pooped! Never have I walked so much. We lazy Americans, who drive our car 5 minutes to Wal-Mart don't walk like this! We took the Seoul City Tour bus this morning. If you are about to visit Korea, it is a good deal. It was 28000 won(about 25bucks) for the three of us and it lasted about 2 hours. We saw tons of sights from the air conditioned bus. You can get off and on at stops. We then shopped at Kyobo bookstore--HUGE-- and bought a Korean-American children's book for Dillon and a Pororo video for Hudson, which is the Korean version of Barney(a penguin). His omma told us that he loves Pororo. We ate in the food court there. Abby had a hamburger and Mike and I had bulgogi and rice, wonderful! Then we walked 5000 miles following the kindest stranger ever. He went way out of his way to be our personal escort and show us where Namdaemun Market was. I tried to pay him, but he refused. We browsed the market and stared at the odd foods. If you watch Bizarre Foods, you'll recognize items. We did eat dumplings in a tiny mom and pop style Korean cafe. It was a big meal for 6dollars.

Abby is doing amazing! She still gets a bit irritated with all the attention. She has recieved 2 gifts from shop owners and many pats on the head. It is funny, but she is so dark compared to the women here. I guess growing up in suburban Texas lends you to being out in the sun and tan. She is also very tall. The elderly Korean women are near her height. She is very metropolitan and has had to help her pitiful old parents more than once when we didn't understand how to do things :)

Another tip if you are coming here soon: bring a small fan for your room at the guesthouse. You don't need it for air, you need white noise. A city of 12 million people is very loud. Where we live, you don't have much noise at night. Our little fan has been great.

Day 2 early morning

A few more things I wanted to add, and since I'm up, why not? Hudson is HUGE! I picked him up and he is a ton of bricks. To my friends at work: I'm thinking at least size 2T.

Abby is treated like a little celebrity here. She gets special favors and strangers pat her head. We took a taxi to the cable car ride and when we paid, I handed him a tip and he refused, pointed at Abby and said "ice cream." An older man kept trying to make Abby sit in the last available seat on the subway(we were standing as were about 14 thousand other people!). She repeatedly shook her head no, she wanted to stand! All this is getting old for her(and it has only been 1 full day). She was very quiet yesterday evening. I think she is processing some very grown up questions in her little head. Seeing all these people in their Korean culture and her feeling totally out of the loop is sure to bring up identity questions. That is okay, we certainly stand with her in searching out how she fits into being Korean, and yet being 100% American at the same time.

About Eastern Social Welfare Society===if you have any heart for children, please make donations to this amazing place. You can go to Orphancare International's website and donate(choose Korea from the countries). They run 7 shelters for unwed mothers, a domestic and international adoption program, a home for disabled children(both physical and mental) who will never be adopted, community centers, senior centers and a small babies hospital for the children being placed into foster care. Unfortunately, Korea is very scared of H1N1 and the babies home and home for disabled children are closed to visitors. We had wanted to visit these with Abby soooooo badly!!! The babies home is right next to our guest room and we can hear many many newborns crying in there. It breaks our heart to realize that there are 3 rooms full of babies right next to me, crying and needed a mom and dad of their own.

A message for my sister M and her husband B who are foster parents to my darling angel neice J(who we sooooo hope they get to adopt): Your selfless gift of your hearts and time humbles me. People are always telling Mike and I "you guys are special" and other blah blahs like that. What you two do is truly amazing! Seeing Hudson with his foster mother yesterday, and watching her wipe her tears as she tried to sneak out of the room so we could be alone with him for a moment, then Hudson wailing and looking for her, and her coming in and rescuing him from us and snuggling him up, showed me what a powerful ministry you guys have!!!! Keep on loving God's little children who need a sweet and safe family, even if it is only for a few months.

First meeting

We met Seong Cheol and his foster mother a little while ago. Hhmmm, didn't go to great. I mean, he is healthy and happy and very very attached to his foster mother. She immediately started crying when she saw us. I think she is one amazing and energetic woman. He smiled and played at the beginning, a little! Then, he began closing his eyes at Mike and refusing to acknowledge that Mike was there. He constantly turned to look for his "omma"(foster mother) and would fall over in her lap. We tried to give him space and not overwhelm him. We sat on the floor and tried to woo him over with toys. He attempted to play with us, but kept closing his eyes at Mike. Poor Dadda! It is going to be very slow going guys. This baby has been doted on by his precious foster mother since he was 2months old. We weren't welcome in his world. I did get to hold him for a while. He began whirling his head around looking for omma and then scrunched his eyes and nose up and made a silent wail! BROKE MY HEART! Please pray hard for him. Monday we get to have an outing at a park with him and his omma. Hopefully that will break the ice. Let's see, some cute things we learned: when he wants food, he pulls on the fridge door--sounds just like Dillon, when he wants to go outside, he says the Korean word for outside and pulls on omma's hands, he still loves his bottle several times a day, he wins the chubby cheeck award hands down ;)

Abby has been such a trooper. We haven't really done anything fun for her yet so we are headed to take a cable car up to Seoul tower.

You know, I really didn't want to stay 6 days, but now I can see we will need it for Hudson and his foster mom to get prepared.

Here safe and sound

We landed in Seoul about 2 hours ago(4:50am Seoul time). Basically, I slept 3.5hours Monday night due to nerves. Then Tuesday evening we flew out to LA, landed there and waited for 4 hours before flying out at what would be 2:20am our time. I took a sleeping pill about an hour into the flight and dozed for short bursts, but no real sleep. Now, it is Thursday morning here(15hours ahead of CST). My body is super confused! Our flights were uneventful. Asiana Airlines is the cadillac of airlines and we were amazed at the service, comfort and food quality. I've been really emotional since yesterday before leaving. It was so hard to leave Carter and Dillon and when we took off for LA, I cried. I also cried reading a new book a friend gave me that my mom and sisters have to read! Then, here in the airport, I cried seeing toddlers with parents. It is crazy to think that at 2pm today we meet Hudson. I really have no idea how big he is, what he likes, how he will react. I'm overwhelmed at the privelage to be adopting again. I've escorted 2 babies for other families who couldn't travel and remember thinking how I'd love to do this again! It is coming true! Of course, after the brutal journey(and admittedly, I don't travel well), I'm pretty well sure this is the last one! I'm really enjoying seeing Abby in her homeland and wishing we'd spent more effort making her go to Korean school that we knew was offered in our city. Adoptive parents: do make your children learn about their heritage, it is a priceless piece of them that shouldn't be ignored!
Okay, so we wait for the driver to pick us up. We landed way to early for him! I'll post later with pics of meeting our new baby boy!