all is going well(long!)

It is over.  We got home about 5:30 yesterday afternoon from the hospital.  As far as having a terribly sad procedure and being in a hospital for several hours, it was the best experience it could be.  I must say, I'm super proud of my great big city hospital.  Every single person was super friendly, compassionate and professional.  What a weird feeling to go from being the nurse to the patient.  It was rather awkward being wheeled to the pre-op area in a gown and passing by the people in the halls who I work with all the time. 

My precious ob/gyn Doctor(who is an international adoptive mom too) told me that if I didn't want general anesthesia, then to  push to not have it.  So, I did.  I was very nervous and almost changed my mind.  The iv sedation and regional block worked really well and I didn't have to be intubated(as an icu nurse-that was my biggest fear). When I woke up from sedation, my first inclination was to start crying.  I think it hit me, it is offically over.  The worst few weeks I've ever gone through were done.  Our baby was certainly dead and not in me anymore.  That feeling left fairly quickly as I became more lucid.   I feel a little fuzzy but am not hurting and I'm eating well(it's 4:50am and I had to have a snack--but thank God, not because I'm nauseated--I'm hungry!). 

My mother picked up Hudson and Dillon yesterday.  I think they are leaving a tornado of destruction in their paths ;)  She took them to see my 94yr old grandparents and they ended up playing guns with both of their canes!  Then, Dillon slipped Hudson a ball point pen while mom was driving.  Hudson left his mark on mom's light colored leather seats!!!  Oh dear, those 2 are little monsters some time.

I want to address one thing to make sure people don't think I'm a heart-less, ungrateful person.  I've told some people that Mike and I are taking measures to make sure this never ever happens again.  My ob/gyn asked if we were sure we didn't want to be able to try for a biological child.  Our resounding answer is NO!  Now, there are those of you who don't get that.  You think we don't value getting pregnant or having a baby, like we were unhappy that we got pregnant in the first place.  Let me be clear here.  We value life.  God creates life.   In 17yrs of  marriage, we've had 3 positive pregnancy tests.  The first is our miracle sweety, Carter.  No doubt we treasure that boy!  The 2nd was an ectopic that landed me in the hospital and the 3rd was this one.   I  do  not ever ever ever want to go through what I've gone through these last 2 times. Period.    Now, the other point is that we value life already here on the earth---145million orphaned children needing a home!  If we are called to add a 5th child to our family, our huge preference is to adopt a waiting child that is considered hard to place(like Hudson), from a country that lacks the ability to give that child a promising life and future.  So, there you have the clarification.  It really doesn't matter what anyone out there in cyberspace thinks about our choices, I just felt that needed to be addressed.