my little Dillon man

Yesterday morning was a scary time.  As you long-time followers know, he has had his fair share of minor(but frequent and bizarre) health struggles and developmental struggles.  Two years ago this February, he had his first febrile seizure at age 6.  He'd been super duper sick all Fri and Sat night(in fact, the very same Friday night that we read the email about a toddler boy in Korea who'd been waiting many months for a family--ended up being our sweet Hudson!).  By Sunday morning, I was kicking myself for not taking him to he hospital during the night.  That morning, I took him to our pediatrician's office for urgent clinc and his temp spiked to 104 and he had a fine red rash all over.  He seized in the waiting room and I lost it!  I thought he was dying in front of me.  I'm a critical care nurse and I worked er for 5 years--nothing could prepare me for that site!  The doctor called 911 and off we went.  We spent 2 days in the hospital thanks to bad strep.  He saw the neurologist and had an EEG since it was not normal to have your first febrile seizure at 6.  All was well.  Since then, whenever he is sick, we make him sleep on a pallet in our room so we can hear him.  I'll tell you why....When I was a new nurse, I started working at a tiny hospital.  The night charge nurse was very closed off.  One of the staff nurses told me that her 5yr old son, Asa, had died recently.  He'd had a seizure in his bed during the night and vomited, aspirated, and died.  Nobody knew.  The mom found him dead when she went to wake him up for school!!!!!!!!!  That story haunted me after Dillons seizure.
Thankfully, he never had another one.  Well......that is til yesterday morning.  Friday, I was volunteering in his class at school.  Side note here---teachers, HOLY COW, you deserve 100,000 dollars a year for your job.  I was in there 1 hour(ALONE) to teach 17 first graders.  I looked like I was herding 17 cats and I was exhausted.  Anyway, the nurse came over the speaker in that room and told me that Dillon was with her and he had fever.  I picked him up and we went home--he acted fine, asking for McDonalds!  He ran a low grade temp that afternoon, but never acted sick, nothing.  During the night, he came to our room because he'd wet the bed.  I stripped him down and put him in our bed at 4:30, since I was needing to get up at 5:15 to go to work.  I felt of him and he wasn't hot.  I was in my closet reading my daily Scripture reading when I heard Mike yelling.  I knew what it was.  He'd heard grunting noises and thought Dillon was going to vomit, but when he reached over to touch him, Dillon was seizing.  Awful site of a little body convulsing, jaw clenched and foaming at the mouth. No warning!  Thank you dear Jesus that he'd come to our bed.  The what ifs.....they make my a slave to fear and I can't live like that.  I called 911 and my sister Melody to meet us at the hospital and bring our other kids home.  I guess we shouldn't have called 911, febrile seizures are no big deal right?  I'm a critical care nurse right?  Oh well, we may have over-reacted but, Dillon is 8!!!  Kids aren't supposed to have febrile seizures at age 8.  Turns out he has strep again.  The weird thing is that when  the medics first arrived, his temp was only 100.6.  Nothing that would have made me worried.  Everyone who came to see Dillon kept asking if I'd given him anything during the night for fever.  NO, he wasn't running any!  The on call neurologist said that at age 8, we can't call this a febrile seizure, but it was a plain seizure.  He needs an outpatient EEG and we will see our old neurologist for follow up.  Here's what my sister-in-law, Shana, and I think:  Dillon's body is tiny-the size of a 6 yr old.  His development is not an 8yr old.  So, we are thinking that it was just a febrile seizure and our frame of reference has to be a younger kid.  Or, I did some research on the web last night--dangerous I know--and found a discussion forum for mom's of older kids with febrile seizures.  Many of them said that there is a very small percentage of children who never outgrow them.  On kid was 12 and has them!  AHHH, what??

I have to say, I'm trying to not let the devil plant fear in my mind. I mean, if real seizures is a possibility, how do I ever leave him and feel comfortable?  Will he sleep with us from now on?  What about our dream of moving to Nicarauga for missions? Ridiculous.

Dillon loves firemen and firetrucks.  Poor thing doesn't remember that a firetruck was in front of our house.  Mike will take him to visit the station in a few days.  He will love that!

Unabashedly gloating

We drove by a Chic-Fil-A sign and 3yr old genius Hudson says "There Chicken-Fe"!!!

Judging by that sign recognition, I'd say he's totally American now :)

He blows me away with the stuff he knows.  He picked up a smushed penny(the kind you pay a buck for at the zoo and they are imprinted).  He showed it to me and said "it a oval."  I was shocked--heck, the boy's only heard English since he was 21months old!!  And I'm just not the kind of mom that has teaching moments all day where the kids learn shapes and ABCs at 3yrs old!  I'm much more of a, to quote Frankie on The Middle, "Phone it in kind of parent."  Laid back and let the kid be a kid for a little while is much more my style.  So, all that to say, who the heck taught my 3yr old what an oval is??  Dunno, but thanks!!

Here is the munchkin wearing his Thomas the Tank pj shirt.  Seriously, he won't take it off.  I wash it and hide it away for a day or two.  But, he finds it and on it goes--and stays!!!!  The boy's obsessed.  By the time you have 4 kids, you really don't care if they wear a pj shirt everyday.

Today his asthma is acting up.  He tells me "Me need beethin teetment"

When not to adopt

This post stems from a conversation I had recently with my friend.  She is concerned about someone she knows how is talking about adopting again.  They recently adopted a toddler from another country.  It seems that they may possibly view the little girl as a cute accessory or rescue project.  They don't appear to understand the huge adjustments the family needs to make or the life-long ramifications that come with adopting a toddler, with some minor medical needs, from another country.  I am very concerned about all the people who think they should adopt because "there are so many kids who need a home."  Or maybe, as I heard David Platt put it they think it is cute to send their Christmas card picture that shows the baby they adopted from another country--like a fashion statement. 

Adoption is for LIFE!  Adoption is not the mere process of securing legal rights to a child.  It is a decision to make that child your beloved son or daughter--everyday of every year.  If a family has the wrong motive to adopt, what happens when the kid isn't cute anymore?  What happens when he/she has learning disabilities, ADHD, fetal alcohol syndrome, or acts out innapropriately because the only man in the family used the child for his twisted pleasure?

Adoption is also stressful.  The unknowns, the probes into your privacy, the fees, the applications, the fingerprints, the attachment and bonding time etc.  You need to have a strong desire for loving the child to make you persevere.

Yes, I'm a HUGE proponent of adoption.  With 147-163 million orphans in the world and 500,000 kids the US foster system--yes I think lots and lots of people should adopt.  Heck, going out on a limb here--but there are several families I know who have all the resources they need and are great parents and it kills me that they aren't adopting. 

But, not everyone should adopt and no child deserves to be the answer to a guilty concience.  Most of the world's orphaned children have already experienced more loss in their short lives than you and I could imagine.  They do not deserve to be someones ticket to be cool, spiritual, or soothe a guilty conscience.  They do deserve to be someone's priceless treasure-cherished!

The only motivation has to be love--no matter what--the "we are in this 100% " kind of love--the good, the bad, and the ugly.  After all, as David Platt also spoke about, that is what Christ's work on the cross was for us.  No matter the poor choices, the selfishness, the sins, the innapropriate behavior, the special needs, the skin that looks different, He gave it all for love.

Ready to run(or walk) with me??

Run(I plan to slowly jog) to raise money to fight human trafficking on Saturday February 12.  Join my family in Grapevine, Texas as we put feet to our beliefs and words and try to make a difference.  Register at http://www.run4justice.com/
proceeds benefit International Justice Mission
If you want to meet up at the event email me at beepa27@gmail.com or leave a comment(or facebook me if you are my friend on there--sorry, afraid of internet loonies and I won't ever give out my last name or city on here!!)
We are going to have a blast!

Trimming the budget and waistline

Thanks to Dave Ramsey and our desire to live completely debt free(except mortgage) soon, we find ourselves cooking a bit more.  For the record, I hate cooking and Mike is a better cook than I am.

This week I made a homemade skillet vegie fritatta

Wednesday I made homemade wheat spagetti with turkey meatballs and sauce.  YUMMO!! 

Thursday was chicken quesidillas, black bean and salsa dip. 

Those delicious smelling restaurants I force myself to drive by got nothing on this kitchen ;)

Judging by the number of hits my posts on budgeting and finances receive, I can tell lots of you are interested in those topics.  I'm thrilled to report that today I mailed that last of the medical bill payments!!!!  So, I've sat down at the computer to open the Debt Snowball spreadsheet and cross that off.  Next up, the credit card.

 If you haven't read Dave Ramsey, the idea is to start with the smallest debts first.  Then, once paid off, take the amount you were sending to the smaller debt and apply it(along with the minimun you'd been paying onthe other ones) all to the next debt.  Thus, creating a snowball effect and quickly reducing the total debts.

By the way, I'm working on a wonderful testimony of how God provides when you step out in faith.

But, that was my child!

How many of you have been in this boat? 

You get a referral, or see a waiting child, and you know in your heart--for sure--that was your child.  But, circumstances came up and it did not happen the way you'd planned.  Adoption loss is huge and real!!  Nobody but fellow adoptive parents can understand how much you can bond and grieve over an adoption plan of child--even without ever seeing that child in person.

Since my dear soul sister,Sunny, (whom I've never actually met but it seems we are twins separated at birth) mentioned that she'd experienced this too, I figured a  post was in order.  I was telling another dear friend of mine about this experience.  She's grieving an adoption plan loss right now.

I've experienced a few adoption losses, certainly not the gut-wrenching kind of having a referal several months and then it not happening--but still painful.

  The first was a little hiccup in our journey to Abby.  I've told this story before.  If you'd like to read about the baby we almost pursued in Cambodia, clickHERE

It hurt to let her go.  Then, Cambodia closed to adoptions and 10 years later is still closed.  It breaks my heart to think of her growing up alone, in an orphanage.  Experts say that about 60% of orphaned girls who grow up and age out of orphanages turn to prostitution to earn a living.  God-protect her!!!

The next adoption loss was more of a solo experience. I'm going to be very transparent here and share my heart.

 Many years ago, when Dillon was about 2 or 3, I fell head over heels in love with a waiting baby boy on Dillon International's Korea page.  OH, guys, you'd just die if you could see him.  At the time he was waiting for a family, he was very young--only 4 months old.  He had the fattest cheeks and I was completely smitten with the cherub.  Mike, on the other hand, was sure our family was not ready for another child.  I printed off the little guy's picture and carried it in my purse.  I'd take that picture out and dream and pray and literally--kiss that photo.  He was beautiful!  He was special needs because of a genetic disorder that demanded a special diet.  Otherwise, he was healthy.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, or cheap, to raise this litte guy.  But, when you are in love, love is all you see.  I even  named him.  For several weeks I'd pray for God to work a miracle for us to adopt that little one.  One day at work, my patient's grandaughter visited.  When they told me she had the same genetic disorder as "my" baby, my heart began racing.  I talked to her all about how to get the certain foods that the child would need.  She was full of good info and they lived 10minutes from us and could be a good support.  I'd  never met anyone else with this condition--and since then never have.  I was sure it was a sign that God was speaking to me and confirming.  Still, Mike wasn't feeling led in that direction.  I'd cry buckets into my pillow.  I loved that baby and the baby desperately needed a good home.  I was shocked when a fellow Korean adoptive mother that I know(had already adopted 2 with special needs) announced they were adopting MY baby!!!  On one hand, I was thrilled that he would get a great home.  On the other hand, I was devastated.  For weeks I'd planned my life with that child.  In some ways like a miscarriage almost(which I've also experienced). 

You know what?  It wasn't God's plan or timing.  I'd jumped ahead and let my mommy emotions carry me away.  My husband was the stable one, patiently waiting on God's call for us to adopt again.  Of course, he was right!!  During those next few years we had to expend a lot of resources, time, and energy on trying to get our little Dillon Micheal healthy and the help he needed to develop well.  Then, on February 22,2009 we got the email from Dillon International about our sweet blessing-- Hudson.  It was a match made in Heaven. 

If you are going through something similar, I want to say 1)  I understand how much it hurts when things don't work out the way you'd planned   2) if you are a Christ-follower, I promise, His plan is best.  Wait for His best--not your attempt at making something be the plan for your life

Nothing new

This is so weird!  I usually have a sticky note at my desk with several blog posts to work on and make an effort to space them out by several days so as not to appear lame...like I sit at the computer all day.  The past few days....quiet!  Maybe it is because the past few posts have been so darn GOOD!  Okay, not so good on my part(the writing generally screams of amateur!!!).  The good part is the amazing stories and what God is doing in people.

Potential posts swirling around in that constantly buzzing brain of mine....
   orphan care at church
   can you pray for a car?
   our school's Ministry of Construction
    but that was my baby(when you just knew you were supposed to adopt a certain child and it didn't turn out that way)
   4th grade science experiment--peeeuuuu rotten meat
   40 minutes of Pilates only burned 70 calories--what???
   Just watched a documentary called Born Into Brothels(children in the red light district in Calcutta)

Not sure what will appear....stay tuned

Beautiful Things

I LOVE this song.  We sing it at church.  Scroll way down to the far right and pause my music player so you can hear the song. 
The reason I'm showing this is because Beautiful Things is on my heart.  I woke up and had the idea to post about this today.  You see, the redemptive work of Jesus makes beautiful things out of dust.
Isaiah 61:3 says

...to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.






Picture this precious sight with me.  I'm sitting in our usual spot in the worship center at church.  A fairly new family is in front of this.  We are singing this song and I'm looking at the family seated right in front of me.  The couple, in their mid 40's, were infertile and childless until recently.  They adopted a sibling set of 4 from the state of Texas.  The middle girl, age 9, was singing with huge expressive brown eyes, a smile on her face "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust."  OH MY, my heart was melting!  Here was the perfect beautiful things story.  Who adopts 4 siblings from the foster system?  Nobody!  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find forever families for 4 kids?  What a sweet sweet testimony.  The Bible is full of God taking the sad and impossible and turning them into Beautiful Things!  Esther--an orphaned Jew--became a queen and saved her people.  Abraham and Sarah--an old childless couple--fathered a new  nation.  Joseph--sold into slavery--imprisoned falsely--became second ruler in Egypt and saved his people.  David--a king who had an affair and murdered someone--became "a man after God's own heart" and was a great king.  My own little neice, neglected and malnourished, found her way to my sister and her husband's home through the foster system at age 4.5months.  She is now the sparkling little 2yr old who rules the roost!!  Mike's mother had him as a teenager and struggled to make a sweet and stable home, was and is an incredible mother, and now he has been ministering to teenagers for the past 20 years.

God specializes in making Beautiful Things!!

Last Friday was one of those times.  Solomon, an orphaned teenager from Ethiopia, speaking at Mike's school about the miracles in his life.  He told of how he'd come home(to the orphanage) from school and fling his books on the bed saying "God!  Why should I study, I have nobody who cares if I pass or fail, I have  no future!"  Then, a family in North Carolina said "you are our son, we love you, we support you."  They paid his way to finish high school, brought him to the US and begged a Christian college to give him a full scholarship.  This boy is bright and has a bright future--all because someone cared and God had a great plan for him.  AND, the faculty and students were so touched by his story that several students, teachers, and parents are jumping a plane to Ethiopia over Spring Break to visit the Kolfe Boys Orphanage!!!  Ah-MAZING! 

Share with us your Beautiful Things story!!  Leave it in the comments for others to be inspired by.

A Masterpiece

 Here is a post I stole off my sister, Emily's, blog.  She is a highschool art teacher and has become a champion for the teens with special needs.  You know the ones; the kids that others assume can't learn, who are tolerated in their inclusion in the classroom--but not involved in the class.  Here is her goodbye post about a young lady who lost  her fight with severe CP last week.

A Girl Without Words Leaves A Lasting Legacy





My heart aches.
I will miss her smile.


I will miss how she challenged me with her eyes to find a way to include her in activities.
Not just meaningless, you sit here and look pretty stuff, but actively engaged in lessons
And because she trusted me, I worked harder and found new ways to do things.Together, with the help of Ms. V, her companion, we created art.

We used sticks and tape and a little bit of everything
and once, I even poured paint on the floor and she used her wheels for printmaking.
We were willing to try anything and had so much fun experimenting and creating.
I am so blessed to have been called one of her teachers.
I am so blessed to had the chance to call her one of my students
I will never forget
Her smile.
Her laughter.
Her joy while being an artist on a wheel.
Just like any artist.
With hands covered in wet clay.




Creating a masterpiece.
Lindsey was an incredible young woman who capitvated the community with her smile.
She loved life and fought so hard to live.
We will miss her.
But the lessons she taught will stay with us.
To laugh.
To love.
To fight.
To expect to learn.
To push yourself and others.

 
I met another champion on Friday.  A champion for the orphan.  Mrs. Mestas(http://www.jobsdaughters.blogspot.com/) spoke at Mike's school about her family's miraculous experiences with adoption and orphan ministry.  Along with her was Solomon.  A very handsome and bright 19yr old young man whom Mrs. Mestas met at an orphanage in Ethiopia.  You can view her testimony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY3pgxjJ4iA   It is long,but totally worth it.  Solomon and Mrs. Mestas had the students at Trinity in a buzz all day!  The Lord really touched them and ignited in them(and the faculty) a love and passion for the world's 147-163 million orphans!  How exciting and precious to see the students really get it.  Later that day, I told Mike "Hey, I've been preaching this stuff for years around here and nobody cared until a stranger from North Carolina shows up!!"  Well, doesn't matter--as long as they see how important it is.

Zero to 4

I'm so happy to shout a big congrats to my dear friends, Ryan and Jessica.  They signed papers last week to adopt a waiting sibling group of FOUR gorgeous African children ages 4 to 12.  They are currently childless---zero to 4 instantly(well, not instantly, their journey to parenthood has beeen loooong and painful!)
YIPPPEEEE!  Talk about fun times ahead.  Imagine next Christmas, can't you see the hilarious excitement for 4 former orphans and 2 former parentless adults?  A match made in heaven.  I'm so proud of them.  And let me explain this...I'm so proud of them for obeying God's call on their lives!  I'm not so proud of them for "being crazy enough to adopt 4 older children of another race", as some say.  For that implies that these kids aren't worthy of a home, that a family would be crazy to want to bring these kids into their lives.  No way.  These kids are going to be a wonderful blessing for Jessica and Ryan, just as Jessica and Ryan will be a wonderful blessing for these kids.  If you'd like a sneak peek at them, clickHere  

To celebrate the great news I took our 4 awesome kids to get ice cream(okay, it really had nothing to do with that--I just wanted ice cream--what New Year's resolutions?!).   The catch was that we all wore our pjs!  Carter was aghast and said "but I'm in highschool and have a social life."  He wore sweats.  Bummer, cause when we got to McDonalds, only a lone old man was there to see  us :(

A new year

I love New's Years Resolutions.
I love checklists
I love filling out new calenders

Here are mine:
1.  cut down on desserts(loooove me some chocolate and last night I ate ice cream!)
2.  run more often(short distances, but more often)
3.  speak more positive words over my kids--words of life, not death(hmm, is it negative to call your son a nerdbommer or doofenschmertz? I use those as terms of endearment--really!)
4.  follow Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover:  have no debt, but the mortgage.  We should accomplish this goal by November--barring any extraordinary issue that comes up
The budget and debt snowball you ask?
Well, we continue doing great with the NO swipeage motto!
However, the nifty envelopes we were going to use for cash--still haven't been touched.  Maybe this week I'll do something with them


But, today, I'm enjoying my angel--Dillon Michael.  Everyone else started school again today, but he goes back tomorrow.   He's helping me cook gumbo in the crockpot.  Like our aprons?  The one I'm wearing we bought at Namdaemun market in Seoul.  The one he's wearing my mom bought in a Hani village in China several years ago. 
Spending a day with Dillon is so sweet.  He is not demanding, just loves hanging out with me, and tells me he loves me at least 5 times.  He loves music.  When we started cooking he asked "we can listen to that girl with the hair?"  Hmmm, decipher the Dillon language--Oh, lightbulb, Taylor Swift!! :) 

One year ago today...Haiti changes everything

It seems like forever ago.  Really, almost like it never happened.  One year ago, on New Years Day, I left my family at the airport(I was sobbing I might add) and hopped a plane for Haiti.  It was the most ridiculous of circumstances, the kind you don't ever plan for--which can end up the best kind!  I copied and a pasted a paragraph from the post on 12/29 when I found out for sure I'd be going.

You guys will NOT believe this. Literally, God dropped a 1/3 priced short term mission trip in my lap. Basically, we've been praying and starting a little savings for a mission trip. We just figured I'd be going back to Nicarauga since I loved it there. But, some friends of ours lead teams to Haiti several times a year. This morning I found out that someone on their team backed out and I got a spot with a free flight!!!!!!! So, in about 3 hours, we made the decision to jump in. I fly out this Friday night. CRAZY I know, but you all know I'm a bit wild anyway.

You know, I'd seen poverty before.  I'd been on mission trips to Mexico and Nicarauga(nicarauga is the second poorest country in the western hemisphere).  I'd been to Seoul and Jamaica(got offered drugs there too!).  Poverty, orphans, missions and such--my kind of deal.  BUT, Haiti changes everything. 

 I'm not sure how to describe it.  Haiti is a caucophony of experiences:  beautiful land, stripped bare land, beautiful colors, demolished concrete and rebar, the awful congestion in PortauPrince and total chaos, people who are boisterous and loud and dramatic with enormous smiles and laughter, people who love Jesus and know how to live for Him sooooooo much better than most people here in the States, poverty like none I'd seen, orphans everywhere(we were at an orphanage supported by Americans and certainly one of the nicest and it was bare concrete with 62 children overseen by 2 nannies), horrible lack of medical care, no infrastructure, hardly any access to clean water.   Half of the people are literate, 86 children out of 1000 die before reaching age 5(sorry, I'd messed that statistic up earlier), almost half of ALL people drink contaminated water.

I loved the trip.  I was terrified, thrilled, exhausted, pumped up, encouraged, devastated and heartbroken all at the same time. 

It isn't FAIR!

3 days after I landed, the earthquake hit.  I stood dumbfounded in front of the TV and cried a flood of tears.  My new friends, who risked their lives for our safety in an out of control mob, the very kind and smart friends who have NOTHING and NO WAY of helping themselves, were suffering terribly.  While I sat in my spacious and warm house with a plethera of food and clean water--they suffered.  A country only a few hours from Miami in this shape.  It shouldn't be.  I'm much more bold now and I'll tell you why I think so many Americans don't want to be confronted with the suffering and don't want to get involved:   because they are black and their culture is very different from us.  There, I said it, I think most of us are racist!!!!

If it were a neat and orderely country full of white people, I bet your bottom dollar that people would flood to help Haiti all the time.

Honestly, I didn't do anything at all for the people I touched while there.  O sure, we played and loved on orphans, we distributed little shoeboxes full of trinkets, we passed out medicines and rice, we cleaned and bandaged wounds, we read the story of Jesus and told the children Jesus had a plan for their lives.  But, really, did it make a lasting difference?  I am not arrogant enough to think it did.  The orphans have American groups coming and going.  They have learned how to act adorable and beg for candy--and see the women fall in love with that one special child who makes a connection--for 5 days and then is gone.  The medical needs were FAR more complex than the penicillin and de-worm meds I had to to give. 

What it did for me? 

Changed

Eyes opened

Heart broken

Bold

Angry at injustice

Determined

Grateful

Just a few words to describe me now.  A fantastic sermon by Andy Stanley when he was a guest speaker at Passion City Church a few months ago(please go get it on iTunes--it was incredible) had one of the best lines to sum it up.  He said "awareness brings about discontentment."  This works both ways.  You can be shopping in the mall and become aware of all the new styles and then become discontent.  Or, you can be in a 3rd world country and see a little boy with Down Syndrome who has zero access to medical care or education and will likely die early or end up institutionalized and  you become discontent to go about your life like you've never seen those sufferings.

That's what has happened to us.

I'm starting school Feb 28th because of Haiti.  I felt so ill-equipped as a nurse in the clinics and wanted to be able to do more.  I have to finish my BSN, which will take 13 months.  Then I'll start the masters program to become a Family Nurse Practitioner.  I have no excuses not to do this and it would be a huge shame if I turned it down.  My hospital pays for our advanced education.  I'm reading a book right now, "Half The Sky" and it documents the horrible crimes committed against women.  The biggest way to help these women is give them an education so they don't get victimized(honor killings, genital cuttings, sex slavery, child marriages).  Here I am, offered a free one, and I don't want to do it because it will be a lot of work! 

If you have time, please go to the Labels tab on the uppper right of the blog and read about the Haiti trip.