working through it

     I don't know, I've been thinking on this post for several days.  Sometimes I think I'm a little too transparent.  My ob/gyn doc called me at work many days ago.  She'd had a chromosome test done on our recently miscarried baby.  It had a genetic defect that is always fatal.  She asked if I wanted to know the gender.  I quickly answered no way!  That would be WAY to personal and painful.  This is an interesting position to be in. 
     So, the baby was destined to die from the minute the genetic pattern was created.  As a strong prolifer, that is a very difficult idea to grapple with.  You see, I believe that only God the Creator can bring forth life.  I'm struggling a bit to understand how senseless this all was. My sweet friend Anjanette told me that regardless of the severe chromosome defect, she believes that when we get to heaven, that child will be whole-running, skipping, playing, healthy, able to run into our arms.  Id like to believe that too, it's a struggle-truth be told.

     In the end, the only decision I must make in all of this is.... do I trust God no matter what?  In church last week  we sang a great worship song that I've loved for the past year(music always speaks loudly to me).  The chorus says
 "So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned,
In awe of the one who gave it all,
 I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered,
 All I have is yours."

That is really the heart of the matter, isn't it?  No matter what, I choose to trust in the one who gave His life for me so that I may truly live.  Not one place in the Bible does it promise us easy and carefree lives with health, riches and happiness.  But, over and over and over it promises that when we've placed our faith in Jesus Christ--we have an advocate, a high priest, a true friend, a savior, shepherd to the wanderer, a healer, a king, a father to the fatherless, a husband to the lonely, and much more.  I think I'll keep trusting Him.