Can't take it anymore

I'm done, finished, stick a fork in me!! I'm shut down emotionally and don't even think of asking "have you heard anything about your adoption?" I know in my head the right answers, you know, the mature Sunday School answers about God's timing is perfect and such. I've known all this my whole life, I'm walked with my Heavenly Father since I was 10yrs old. But, sometimes, I think it is perfectly fair and honest to say "God, I don't understand you, this hurts, there is nothing I can do to control or change it, and Hey, I'm mad right now!". It doesn't hurt His feelings, it doesn't mean I'm less a committed Christian. He knows me well. I've said this to him several times like during fertility struggles, waiting for Abby, my surprise pregnancy a few years ago that ended in a tubal pregnancy, and now. My anger and hurt doesn't make Him less God of the universe! So, I'm telling you right now, I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm deeply disappointed. I've been thinking about, loving, and praying over this little boy in Korea since Feb 29th and I'm so darn ready for us get to know him. My husband is in inservice already(he is a school principal), my big kids start school next Wednesday, Dillon starts Monday the 23rd and Carter's first football game is the 27th. If you could ask us the absolute worst time to travel to Korea to pick up a new child?? We would have said anytime is fine but the first week of school!!!! HA, funny isn't it :)))) So, I'm placing a bet: We will leave Texas Sunday Aug 23rd and I'll miss Dillon's first day of school and Carter's first football game!