Happy 18months birthday

My dear Hudson, today is a huge milestone in your life. You turn 18months old. Officially, you are no longer a baby. I know we've only known about you for a few months, but it seems like forever. How much we've missed of your little life. Never will we see or take pictures of your first smile, first tooth, first taste of baby food, first crawl, first step, first word, first slobbery kiss, first throw your head back cackling laugh, first temper tantrum. We are very very aware of how hard your homecoming will be. With every day that passes, you become more like a little boy, attached to your sweet foster family, more Korean. We want you to know that we don't underestimate how much grieving you will need to go through. We will never minimize the losses you have and will experience. No child deserves to lose a parent at birth, then lose the only momma and dadda he's ever known for a year and a half, a country, a culture, a language. Your journey here is marked with loss! But, there is joy at the end of the journey! You have much to gain too: a daddy who loves to snuggle, to play Uno with his kids, who doesn't go off to do "man" activities because he loves his family too much, a daddy who loves Jesus and wants to model his Father in Heaven to his children. You have a momma waiting who adores little boys and loves to play games like tackle, play with Hot Wheels, play chase around the living room, and is longing to rock you to sleep in our "big blue chair." You have a big brother who is the sweetest and most thoughtful 13yr old teen around. He thinks his siblings are fun and he loves being a Korean-American family. You have a big sis who is so mature and capable of taking care of business. She draws pictures and prays for you every night to be safe and healthy. You have a big brother who is the funniest 6yr old boy in the world. He uses his eyes, hands, and charades to communicate the words his mouth can't make. He has bunk beds waiting for you to come share. You have grandparents who just love spending time with grandkids. You have many many aunts, uncles, cousins, great-grandparents, great aunts and uncles who will love on you and cheer you on. See, you will gain much. We love you.

Now, to the rest of the world out in cyberspace. I'm having a bit of a hard time today. A child turning 18months old is BIG deal! I'm acutely aware that we still don't have a fingerprint appointment with United States Citizenship and Immigration Services. The travel time I was once expecting to be late June/early July is now looking like late July is more realistic. I'm so sad that I'm missing a huge stage of development with my sweet boy. I'm also acutely aware of North Korea acting like a fool! I know I know, they have acted like this many times in the past. But, when your child is in a city about 1.5hours from the North Korean border, you can't help be anxious. I suppose the bright side of this international tension is that maybe,nobody else will want to travel to Seoul and then our plane tickets will be much cheaper :)) Yes, I'm also worried about how to pay for 3 plane tickets.

I leave you with a poem written by an adoptive mom in waiting

Song of the Waiting Mother
I'm pregnant, but my tummy isn't growing,
And no one ever calls me "little mom."
The public simply isn't overflowing
With questions that I'd handle with aplomb.

There are no special clothes to mark my waiting,
Nobody stops and smiles as I pass by.
The absence of a due-date is frustrating
And looking at the nursery makes me cry.

When I'm overdue no one will worry.
The phone won't ring and ring as friends check in.
I can't induce my labor in a hurry,
My new life as a parent to begin.

Adoption is a worrisome endeavor,
And waiting all alone is not much fun.
To be "with child" a year seems like forever.
Dear God, we're ready! Please send us our son!
by Christine Futia(taken from the book "Toddler Adoption")