A good shot in the arm

We got our new video of Hudson Monday. OH MY, I'm not ashamed to brag--he is the cutest stinkin kid ever. It shows him toddling around, chasing after the social workers pen and paper-not the toys they are trying to get him to play with :) He grins and is off. He is chubby, gorgeous, healthy and perfectly developing. We are super in love and are so ready to get our legals(meaning his legal referral papers that are required to file with immigration for clearance to bring an orphan on American soil)!! That baby NEEDS to come home. His sweet foster momma is there and she is tearful the whole time. The interpreter says "they are joyful tears, that since he was waiting for a family for a long time, she was worried, what if there is no family?" Ouch! Yep, I cried a bit.

About Carter, man, kids bounce back quickly. His goose egg is completely gone. He is doing great. He has a mild headache and gets a little dizzy if he bends over. My nerves are shot. I told my mom that I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The whole weekend at the hospital, I was calm and collected, never even cried. I'm not an easily upset, emotional person. In fact, I've been called a stoic, type A, control freak(true, I love my calenders. schedules, and ToDo lists!). I think that is why I make a decent CCU nurse, I don't freak out. So, yesterday, all was well right? Well, not inside of me. My cheeks felt hot and like I could bawl or punch someone at the drop of a hat. I keep reliving what could have been! I've been stressed out and the Enemy has jumped on me with a spirit of anxiety, doubt and fear. How will we pay for another medical bill AND 3 plane tickets to Korea? Why did this happen? I mean, since last summer, Mike began a doctoral program, Carter got mono, Mike injured his ankle, he had outpatient surgery on it in early February, late February was when my 6yr old son was really sick-had an emergency ambulance ride and stayed 2 days in the hospital, now this, and working on bringing home our new surprise blessing. No wonder I'm feeling a bit frayed. Here is the verse I have taped above my kitchen sink to remind to focus on choosing faith, hope, joy, blessings, life:
When I said my foot is slipping your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalms 94:18-19