The kind of mommy I wish I was

This is the kind of mommy I wish I was:  gentle and patient, not controlling or worried so much about messes, loves just hanging out with the kids doing things like crafts, homeschooling(and doing it well), teaching my kids to cook and sew, never raise my voice.

The real me:  very patient up to a point and then snap, I'm done!  I care way too much about the kids not making messes, I hate crafts, having the children cook with me totally stresses me out(but I do let them help cause I know that is what I'm "supposed" to do), I need space and quiet time and therefore after them all being home from school a month--I'm starting to lose my sanity.

Mommyhood sometimes hits lows.  Or maybe it  is just me?  I'm not wanting to be a blogger who whitewashes things so that  you all think I'm some great person, the best mom ever, the perfect Christian, an always sweet wife etc....  I read some blogs and think "man, she's always glowing and happy!"  I really don't think that is real life, do you guys?  I mean, being a mother is wonderful and I love my children dearly, but sometimes it is haaaarrrrddd!!  The past few days have been trying.  I feel like my patience is zapped, Hudson and Dillon fight all the time, like ALL the time!  In adoption education, it is a well known fact that after a child has been home sufficient time to feel secure, the honeymoon is over.  The child will begin to really test the limits to see if the parents will be there forever--despite the child's behavior.  We are going through  this with Hudson.  He is defiant at times and when given clear instruction, will look me right in the eye and continue doing what he was told to stop doing--just doing the action is slow motion.  I know what he is doing is normal, heck, he is a 2.5yr old whose whole world was turned upside down 10months ago.  But, that doesn't make it any easier.  In fact, I'm really really tired of it.  Last night, after the boys bickered all day, I shuttled kids all over our county, and Dillon dropped a bowl of yogurt on the floor and it shattered, I was done.  I headed to my room to read.  The little boys were yelling out "momma, momma".  I couldn't do one more act of mommydom.  I stayed right where I was and pretending to not hear anything.  Let's just say Mike got the picture and took care of things(thank you God for a good daddy, I don't know how single parents survive).

The really funny thing is I had written this post earlier and left it as a draft.  I had my quiet time before work today.  I use a Bible that is divided up into daily readings to read the Word through in a year.  No lie--today's psalms was 127 about children
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Okay Lord, thank you for that reminder!