Graduation!

What a week we had last week!  It was fun, sad, sweet, exciting, exhausting, and precious all wrapped in one. Thursday night was Hudson's kindergarten graduation ceremony. The kids recited the entire Psalms 23. Here is the video. Very impressive for 5 and 6 year olds. The teachers gave character awards to each child Hudson's was honesty. Knowing Hud-man like I do, I'm wondering if that kind of means tattle tale as well ;) 

Now we begin a summer of him begging for school to start. That boy is sharp as a tack and needs constant interaction. 

Friday was the day we've been talking about all year. We hosted a big family fajita supper at our house before the graduation ceremony. So fun having all the family together. The graduation ceremony was wonderful. There were 35 students. A small school is so sweet because the teachers and administrators truly know the kids well. A Christian school is even sweeter because all glory, praise, and thanks was given to Jesus. I'm not going to sugar coat anything, I cried like a baby. It was just an uncontrollable stream of tears watching the whole thing. Like yesterday I was holding my crazy toddler boy as he sucked his thumb and now he is truly an adult. The sweetest moment was when Mike gave Carter his diploma. What a rare treat for a father to do that. The ceremony ended with the most incredible admonition to the students from their favorite teacher. He told them they do not need to be famous. That true love is shown in caring for others, that the orphan and the widow are whom they must care for, and that all life is found in knowing Christ.  A huge shout out to my sisters (Emily, Melody, and Katy) for making the senior table a lovely reflection and celebration of Carter. I have not one crafty bone in my body and they made it look awesome!

Is being a wife and mom enough?

I’m wrestling with this question. Help me flush this out. I've always worked. In fact, since I was 14 years old I've had a job. I like working part-time and being a mom. Mothering is the most important job. Raising humans to be followers of Christ and to love others is the highest responsibility. But with my job, I get the best of both worlds….lots of time home and then some productive adult time and a pay check with good health insurance for my family (I really like getting a good paycheck). I receive recognition at work and that motivates me to strive to be the best nurse and employee I can be. So, now I’m in graduate school to prepare for a move up to the next level. I wonder why?  Why isn't being a busy wife and mother and a part-time nurse enough for me?  Is this something that I feel I have to do to be a successful person?  Is there a deep-rooted desire to “win” and always be the best? Or is God calling me to become a Family Nurse Practitioner for a new area of service like overseas missions someday?  Arrrgh, I’m driving myself crazy!

The dilemma is this:  What about being a good wife and mother? Can I truly serve my sweet family well while working 24 hours a week and also going to school? 

As my oldest graduates from high school this Friday, I am faced with just how quickly the time goes by. I’m honestly going to admit that when he was 2-4 years old (he was a very challenging little boy), there were many days I’d feel like beating my head against the wall and wishing he was grown and mature. Now that it is here, I’m all tearful and wishing I had more time with my little boy.  The time goes by so fast and these years with my children are precious. I don’t want to miss important conversations and events. I don’t want my mind to be in a million directions and too stressed about schoolwork to be able to play Candy land on the floor. Can I not just chill, work my 24 hours/week, be a good wife and mother and enjoy life?

I've read the 31^st chapter of Proverbs several times lately and see that she was a busy, working mother. I don’t believe that anywhere in the Scriptures does God tell all moms they must stay home all the time. Working is natural and I've no qualms about my 2 days a week. The kicker is school. This isn't just any type of class work. Beginning in the fall I’ll be at the campus a full day a week, in addition to about 9 hours a week on the computer. Next Spring I’ll be there a full day a week plus will start clinical rotations (appropriately enough..the first clinical will be Psychiatric Management---Hmmmm, appropriate for my crazy self!). Abby’s 8^th grade Washington DC and New York trip will be next February. My attendance in class is mandatory. Do I choose class or the trip?  Of course, there is also all the money I'm spending on my education. 

I guess the pressing question is what do I really want?  Do I really want to become a NP?  I have no clue. 4.5 years ago when I was in Haiti, I felt like going to NP school was my calling. I want to follow God's call on my life.  Now, the calling has blurred.  I do like learning. I really learned a ton in my pharmacology class this past semester and made an A--I love making an A. I also like showing my daughter that women are smart and capable, they can do more than others expect. 

Problem with me is this:  I’m never satisfied. I see this huge world of opportunities and needs for ministry. I want to do it all, be a good wife and mom, work, go to school, minister, go on mission trips, be a champion for orphaned children, run a marathon, after all, I only get one life to live and I want to live it up…. HELP!

Oh, and what does my husband say?  He supports whatever decision I feel is best. Geez, how helpful is that??  Just kidding, what a great man, he loves his wife so selflessly! Obviously he is the calm and steady one in this relationship. I'm a ship tossed to and fro by the wind.

"The call of God is more than a leap of faith; it is a life of faith. Even when it seems beyond our abilities, we should not be surprised when God tells us to jump."  Erwin McManus  

First Half Marathon

Done!  It was so cool. My first 1/2 marathon is in the books and I LOVED it. My time was 16 minutes faster than I had predicted.  I trained very faithfully for the last 2 months and educated myself about foods, hydrating before the race, and such. My running buddies, N and C, have been life-savers. We meet up a few times a week, in the wee hours of the morning to train. We have an absolute blast!

Here is what I did to get prepared. First of all, I've been running a very long time. Never really far or faithfully, but my body is used to some light running, like 2.5 miles at a time with a 5K every year for the last many years. So, the foundation was there. I consulted with my beastly sister, Emily--who just completed her first triathlon, for tips to push further. She and her hubs follow the Jeff Galloway training method and so did I (well, a modified version anyway).  On Tuesday mornings, I ran 3 very hilly miles with walk intervals every 4 minutes.  On Thursday mornings, N, C, and I ran 5 miles no walking.  On the weekend we met up for a long run, adding 1 mile to our distance each weekend (we started with 7 miles since we all had a solid running base). On the long runs, I did run/walk/run intervals with the app Runkeeper on my phone.  It beeped and told me what to do on each interval and for how long. The off days we generally rested. Then, we got interested in the benefits of cross training with bicycles. So, the last several weeks I've been riding about 2-3 miles on my bike 2 days a week. Amazing to see the completely different set of muscles that biking uses.
For health boosts, I completely cut out sodas the last 3 months. I try to drink a lot of water and eat more complete proteins. Oh, on the long runs, I eat 1 Cliff Shot Block (organic fruit gel type thing) every mile after mile 4 to keep my energy and blood sugar up. I also have been seeing a wellness chiropractor to help with my uneven hips and mild scoliosis. It seems my right foot goes numb when I run long distances due to my right hip being rotated forward.  The spinal adjustments have been really nice.

The morning of the race I walked out to a decorated car and yard.  N and C had made cheer posters for me.  This one was my favorite!  I always wear my hair in a long braid and a Bolder Bands headband. My Brooks Ghost shoes are bright yellow. They captured the image just right :)  What sweet friends I have.

As for the race, it was crazy. We were bussed out by yellow dog (school bus) to a country road out of the city and ran back to the middle of the city. It was very sunny and warm!  I always run really early, like 5am, and in the dark. This change of environment was nerve-wrecking and my body wasn't used to the sun blazing on me.  Luckily, N and C had been texting me all week to drink lots of water. I was well hydrated. Emily and I kept up a good pace. We had to make a port-a-john stop at the water station at mile 5. I paused my Runkeeper app during that time.  Unfortunately, the official timing chip did not!  My timing was 2 hours and 18 minutes but the official timing chip put me at 2:22--boo! We got a cool medal and had a blast. I learned valuable race lessons and will be better prepared for the next running adventure

"Mom, I can do it without you"

Emotional wreck today!!

My oldest is wrapping up his very last day of school. Next week he will be on the Sr. mission trip, then graduation.

My youngest stopped me from walking him up the stairs to kindergarten and informed me he could do it and didn't need my escort.

I'm a mess I tell you.  Don't talk to me today.

Blessings or a curse?

Of course I have a final tomorrow.  That is why I'm sitting at my computer reading amazing articles written by women of faith whom I wish to model my life after.  Bad student..bad.  Anyways, this one was so dang good that I have to share!  The post is from the blog "We are THAT family"
Love it.  Enjoy this great post about possessions not defining the state of being blessed.
BLESSINGS

Our school sends out a weekly newsletter to all the families.  Mike, as head of school, writes a little article of sorts.  He is so good at this. He communicates wonderful truths to the families.  This week was so good that I've copied and pasted it.

In watching wife Libby train for her first half marathon from my comfy sofa (ice cream in hand), I’ve picked up a thing or two about running distance. Mainly, I’ve learned that it takes a LOTS of work and LOTS of time. That’s what makes the story of Georgene Johnson of Akron, Ohio so remarkable.

In 1990, the 42-year-old Johnson arrived bright and early at the start line for a 10K run (about 6 miles) in Cleveland. The gun sounded and off she went with thousands of other runners. After about 4 miles with no turnaround point in sight, she asked, “This is the 10K, isn’t it?” When told by another runner that she had actually just begun the 26-mile Revco-Cleveland Marathon, Johnson said, “I felt so dumb that I just stood there and started to cry.” She asked a policeman to drive her back to the start so she could run the race she’d trained for, but he didn’t have a patrol car. Never having run more than 8 miles at a time, Georgene Johnson was stuck on a long, hard path she hadn’t expected, hadn’t trained for, and absolutely did not want.

Ever been there? Places like that can be frustrating, scary, and very lonely. Places like that make us want to give up altogether, or at least find a way back to the path we’d expected. Sickness, relationship stress, financial distress, a bad grade, a bombshell layoff…you name it, the unexpected path can take lots of forms, and none of them are easy.

So what about Georgene Johnson? "I thought about stopping,” she said. “I mean, ME running a marathon? But right in front of me there was a runner with a shirt that said, 'Just do it.' So I did." Four hours and four minutes later, she finished, placing 83^rd in the women's division.

Johnson attributes her success to a friendly runner who gave her some encouraging advice: slow down, and once you reach the halfway point, you can get a ride back. So that’s what she did. But halfway through, she was feeling pretty good, so she carried on. A couple of sore knees and 13.1 miles later, Georgene Johnson had a finisher’s medal and a great story to tell.

"I feel great," she said. "As stupid as I felt on the course, I feel that good now."

I have 3 main takeaways from this story:

First…run the race you’re given. Run it well and don’t give up. We can’t always choose our course, but we can choose our response. (school senior MN is a gold medal example of how to do this well.)

Second…don’t try to run your race alone. Accept help from others, and be an encourager yourself. In some way or another, we are ALL in this together. Support those around you and be the “Just Do It” guy for someone today!

Third…train for whatever may come. Let’s face it, four hours isn’t a bad marathon time! This lady was in shape, and that gave her a tremendous advantage. Scripture tells us in 1 Peter 3:15, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Be as ready as you can for whatever may come. In terms of spiritual training, this means spending time in God’s Word, praying, serving others, practicing gratitude, being actively involved in a body of believers, and allowing yourself to be challenged now and then.

It’s also a good idea to make sure you’re at the right start line 

We bought a "new" family car and I refuse to be miserable

I struggle with guilt
There, confession.  I'm was beating myself up about getting a newer (2011 Quest) and much nicer minivan.  It is lovely, let me tell you, it is beautiful I dare say.  Everything works!  There is a back up camera---what in the world did we do without that?   The side doors actually open with a button push and then close again without getting stuck open.  Who knew??

Our extremely loved and used Honda minivan was clearly falling apart.  It had 238,000 miles on it.  I know I could have gotten 6 more months out of it.  But, every bump it sounded like all the metal was about to collapse.  It was time.

Why have I been plagued with deep sense of guilt?  Well, first of all, it is a flaw of mine and I'm my worst enemy.  I want everyone to be comfortable around us.  That hail dented van made me feel like I was relatable,  non-intimidating if you will. The what ifs were swirling in my mind:  What if an amazing adventure/blessing/opportunity/need came up and we had to say NO because of debt on a shiny piece of metal?  What if a precious child needed a momma and daddy and we said NO to adopting him/her because of something stupid like not having extra money? Are we being snobby and forgetting to care about the poor and the orphaned if we spend more money on a car? What if people think we are rich , which in and of itself is already a fact because here in suburban middle class America, we are wealthier than about 99% of the world's population.  We would be crude and arrogant to deny that we are. FYI, if your family income is 10,000 dollars a year you are wealthier than 84% of the world's population. Read this for info:     http://www.oregonlive.com/hovde/index.ssf/2012/08/income_in_perspective_americas.html )
  What if Carter changes his mind and wants to go to DBU soon but we can't afford to help pay for it because I'm driving a pretty minivan?   On and on the self doubt and irrational thoughts swirled.  My hubs was very frank with me.  He said "Libby, this is a 3 yr old minivan, this isn't extravagant."  Then, 2 wise young women gave me these words just when I needed them.  They said  "Opportunity/blessing/adventure don't always const money though. You can have debt AND minister the way you love to do."  "The guilt is probably an inner vow that people with fancy cars don't care about the poor and needy.  But that's not you." "Lib, we all struggle with people pleasing to a fault. But at some point, you have to say it doesn't matter what others think.  God knows my heart."  "Your car doesn't make you relatable. Your real-ness makes you relatable."
And so, after cleansing my heart of anxiety and guilt, remembering that we both work very hard at our jobs and try to be good stewards, we signed the papers and are enjoying our blessings!  It was so special because the manager of the car dealer recognized Mike.  He loves Mike's school and wanted to bless us.  We got an amazing deal and a laughably large trade in for our old van (bless the heart of whomever has to fix it up for resale).  When we had to clean out our old car my eyes brimmed with tears!  Oh the memories and life we've lived in that van.  In the back pockets were Legos, rocks, wadded up tissues from Dillon's allergies, an old roadmap, a water hose adapter, and a first aid kit. It was like closing a chapter on our lives with lots of little children. So long old friend.  Hey, now I can get my groove on...my stereo works in the new car :)